Are you ready to go about designing your life. I’m referring to my book,” Life by Design” and there are people who follow some of my online programs called the Freedom Formula, which is based on “ Life by Design” In this section, I’m going to talk about the basis for living a fulfilled life. Now many people have different definitions of what a fulfilled life is, so I’m not going to define what a fulfilled life is.
Instead, I’m going talk about the criteria for living a full fulfilled life. And before you live the full fulfilled life, you need to do three things, three essential things. You need to evaluate your life, you need to discuss what doesn’t work, and only then can you design and implement things that actually work for you. What most of us do, and this is very much a product of our early training and background, is that we think of a problem and immediately jump to look for the best fit solution.
We are not looking at the context and framework required to see if we are approaching the whole thing the right way. Now, in order to provide an example and a concept for the idea for the three concepts of evaluate, eliminate and implement, I’m going to give you the simple example of my stepdaughter and her shoes.
Why am I picking shoes? Because very few people will have deep emotional issues with the idea of shoes, so I can talk about it and I’m not going to trigger too many people’s emotional issues and trauma and all of that.
Later on, you’ll realize I’m not really talking about shoes actually. So, my stepdaughter kept complaining about there being no room for her shoes. She kept buying shoes, some of the shoes she used, some she did not, and some needed to be repaired. She kept everything thinking that she might need them one day.
Finally, the matter got socially out of control and she decided to clean it up and sorted out. So she worked out a schedule. She kept the shoes she used regularly, the shoes she looked good in. She sold the shoes she never used at a second-hand shop. She looked at the shoes that needed to be fixed and realized she would never fix them and threw them away.
She needed both the discipline and the system. Otherwise, she would end up either keeping all the shoes or giving or throwing them all away. And if she didn’t do it correctly, she would might discover later on, she threw away shoes she would need.
So, in exactly the same way, our life gets cluttered with commitments and activities that are often well-intentioned. Most of these have no expiry dates, and so we never stop doing them unless we develop a system for eliminating the ones that don’t work for us. So, the first step, before you even decide to evaluate and implement this, you need to be clear about your priorities in your life, your relationships, your health, and your career.
The reality is your psyche can only really handle one major priority. You have to decide, you will have to pick one core priority that will help you grow and thrive and keep it all together. And maybe you may change its priority every year or every two years or every three years depending on how much you need to put things together.
So this is how if you’re going to design a fulfilled life, you need to start off with that core priority. And having said this about the core priority, one of the, um, other issues that you may want to be aware of is that in the process of evaluating one of the major illusions that people have is that they have total freedom of choice and let their brain in the psyche in their later years, especially at 35 and beyond, is very similar to what it was before that a crucial thing to understand is once you cross the 30 5-year-old mark, uh, something happens in your brain, something happens in your psyche, and I talk all about it in some of my other podcasts and, um, other thoughts, I won’t say too much about it.
Yeah, but something happens, and there are two concepts I want to talk about. One is willpower and the other is discipline.
After 35, on a good day, you only have five minutes of willpower a day. I know this may shock you, right? But the reality is if you have a life that is very chaotic and poorly designed, then you will exhaust your five minutes of willpower within the first half hour, even within the first 10 minutes of your day. And the rest of the time, your whole life, the whole day will be one by default. And if you have good habits, great. If you have bad habits, it will be, you will be defaulting to your bad habits.
This may even give you an idea of why people like Steve Jobs, used to go around with turtle neck sweaters. Because the act of deciding what to wear unless you are a social influencer or a media person where what to wear becomes a major part of your attire, your armour to speak for the rest of us. If you spend five minutes deciding on what you’re going to wear, you have you used up your five minutes of willpower, okay? That’s really important idea to understand.
So if you do not plan to have a, you know, a deliberately designed life where you have habits to fall back on and the habits are the basis for your discipline, and you are constantly relying on willpower, what will happen is most of the things you want to do, you will not do the way you want to or it will not be done to your satisfaction.
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Yours in Health,
Prof. Sundardas D Annamalay